I’m pondering an essay I want to write about often feeling like my feminist beliefs and actions are never enough and often criticized by others in the movement. Before I flesh out the draft for this piece, I will reread this article by you. THIS is the place I want to write from.
And may I also add that you are a brilliant writer. The crafting of words and imagery you create is pure artistry. Poetry, actually. I appreciate your example but can’t help but also feel intimidated. Your prose, especially in the first few paragraphs, blows me away.
Karin, your words reached me deeply, thank you. I’m honored beyond anything I can properly say to know that this piece offered something grounding for you. The fact that you want to write from this place means more to me than I could ever fully express.
We need more voices like yours, brave, self-reflective, and unafraid to speak from the in-between spaces. I hope you write that piece. And I’ll be among the first to read it when you do.
Oh, see, now you are speaking my language. Thich Nhat Hanh is one of mine as well. I have used is insights into mindfulness and meditation much. I do the 10 mindful movements every morning. LOL.
James, you beautiful sage of dust and revelation. 🙏
That “oh, shit! This is the good place.” line hit me right in the soul. Thank you. I write from the marrow, not the market, so knowing it resonated like that means more than I can say.
Also, agreed, namaste can sound like a handshake with damp socks. Your bow is seen, returned, and held with deep, amused gratitude.
Beautiful words! We need to build each other up because that's what others will remember and respond to most, especially these days where many people lead with harsh words.
You’re so right, people may not always remember the exact words, but they always remember how we made them feel. Especially now, when the world can be so sharp-edged, choosing softness feels almost like rebellion.
And what a beautiful rebellion it is, to build, not break.
It really does start and end with love, doesn’t it? Not the grand, performative kind, but the quiet, consistent kind. Compassion. Presence. A soft word when the world feels too loud.
I totally agree…saying you ‘hate’ something is just a (childlike) way of avoiding having to name the quality you actually would rather see. Social media invites increasingly lazy responses which don’t do justice to language…explaining ‘why’ you hate it/them should be a requirement!
Love this reflection, and it's truly one we should take to heart- one I've been working on after making a similar mistake recently....
Working to try our best to communicate and listen in a way that makes it safe for others to communicate and listen as well.
It's equally important to be cognizant of the differing advantages and disadvantages that can affect vocabulary and preciseness of the words people use.
Saying something is childlike as a way to devalue anyone's attempt to communicate at a level below perfect is detrimental to encouraging everyone to try.
Assuming that someone is lazy when they don't fulfill an expectation determined by others, while not knowing their education, disabilities, time constraints, etc, shuts down the validity of their attempts to communicate.
Yes, we should try to be more clear, I just think that should not be a goal post set the same for each person. It's up to us to listen, try to do our best, and also trust that people are responding in kind.
If we find that their communication is below what we expect, it would be the most kind to let them know and ask if that's something they can or are willing to try to achieve ^^
Riot, this reflection is so grounded and thoughtful. I felt every layer of it. You're absolutely right: communication isn't just about clarity, it's about capacity, context, and compassion. We’re not all handed the same vocabulary or safe space to speak from, and when we dismiss someone for the shape of their expression, we risk missing the meaning inside it.
Your point about not setting a universal goalpost is powerful. That flexibility, paired with trust, patience, and curiosity, is what makes dialogue transformative instead of transactional.
Thank you for bringing such nuance and heart to this thread. You’re not just echoing the piece, you’re expanding it.
I feel like curiosity has been waiting patiently for people to hear it's meaning. I'm glad you included it. We can't have compassion, clarity, empathy, context, or communication without the bravery to approach everyone with well intentioned curiosity. Each question we ask gives us opportunity to listen, to learn, to encourage others to do the same. Curiosity let's us leave bias and assumption where they belong... Behind us =P
Learning to lead with curiosity and seek clarity instead is a skill honed over time. Much like the math homework from school days, it takes failure, acceptance, forgiveness, and repetition.
This homework isn't easy.
Thankfully, life seems to always give us retakes =]
Riot, you’ve captured something so quietly profound here, curiosity as both a compass and a companion. I love how you frame it: not just as a tool for learning, but as a brave posture toward the world. One that dissolves bias, softens conflict, and makes space for empathy to rise.
Yes, this kind of curiosity takes practice, patience, and no small amount of humility. But you’re right: life does offer us retakes. And each question we ask, each pause to listen, becomes part of the homework that slowly teaches us how to be more human, together.
Grateful for your voice in this thread. You’re helping carry the theme forward beautifully.
You’ve put it beautifully, “hate” so often masks a deeper need or ache we haven’t yet named. I think of it as a kind of emotional shorthand that spares us the vulnerability of saying, “This hurt me,” or “This scares me,” or “I wish this were different because I still care.”
And yes, language matters. Especially in places like this, where quick reactions are rewarded more than reflective ones. That’s part of what inspired the piece. Not to condemn hate, but to ask: What’s underneath it? And what might happen if we slowed down long enough to name that instead?
All through the journey of parenting particularly (or as a ripple out of thoughtful living) we taught our boys to be mindful of their words. And so it was with this word (can’t even bring myself to type it and honestly don’t know that I ever have, come to think of it). It is a word, a seed, that sows in its utterance. Too harsh and yet inexpressive really. So yes to exploring the reason behind the veil of such … so often it is simply not representative of the planting beneath but draws attention to the need to dig.
Thank you for bringing it into the light and turning it into something to be considered, and welcoming the ancients in to whisper their wisdom.
Jennifer, your words are like sunlight through stained glass, soft, colored by wisdom, and deeply felt. I love that you brought in the image of parenting and the seeds our words plant. That truly is the heart of it, so often what we say is just the outer husk, and the real story lies buried beneath, waiting for someone to notice and dig gently. I'm honored this piece resonated with that quiet, intentional truth you live by. And yes, may we keep listening for the whispers of the ancients in even the harshest words.
I love this article soooo much!! I believe words have power in them!! I believe words can heal, and i also believe they have the power to maim and kill!! This particular qoute is just fire!! 🔥:
"Right Speech is not about being “nice.” It’s about choosing the words that create the conditions for transformation"
You poured out into this peice and it shows!! So well done!!
Tara, thank you! Your enthusiasm is such a gift. I absolutely agree, words are living things. They plant seeds, they wound, they mend, they awaken. That quote you pulled is one I felt right in my gut while writing. It’s not always about kindness that feels soft… sometimes it’s the fierce kind that calls us back to who we truly are. I’m so grateful this piece resonated with you so deeply.
Im so grateful to be substack buddies with such a gifted writer 🥰 It is such a pleasure to read such powerful peices!! And have them resonate!! I cannot express in words even if i tried how much Joy that it brings me!! 💓💓💓 I have never encountered such a full pool of various, unique, and amazing talented people in my entire life!! Substack is incredible 🔥🔥🔥
The path to get there is hard, but worth it. Love is always better than hate. Hope to get to a place where I can show more love instead of bitterness! Thanks for entangling us! ✌🏼
Thank you, Caleb. Yes, the path is hard, but that very struggle gives love its weight. It’s not always easy to choose love when bitterness feels justified, but even the smallest step toward it reshapes the field around us. I have no doubt you’re already walking that path with more grace than you give yourself credit for. Grateful to be entangled in that journey with you. ✌🏼
Thank you, Simona. Your words carry their own kind of gentleness and grace. Yes, for the other but also for ourselves. That’s such an important reminder. Because our words don’t just land on others, they echo in us, shaping who we become. I’m grateful you felt the heart of this piece and hope, like you, that it plants something thoughtful in those who read it.
I think a lot of people throw around the word hate without really meaning it, more out of habit than intent. Still, it doesn’t make it harmless. I’ve learned to be more careful with words like hate or dislike. They carry weight.
Absolutely. I think you've captured something really important, how often we say "hate" more out of reflex than intent. But even reflex carries energy, and the weight of our words doesn’t lighten just because we didn’t mean them harshly. That’s what I was trying to get at in this piece: not a scolding, but a gentle reckoning with the language we let slip by. Because as you said, words like hate may start as habit… but they land like harm. Thank you for reflecting so deeply with me here.
I’m pondering an essay I want to write about often feeling like my feminist beliefs and actions are never enough and often criticized by others in the movement. Before I flesh out the draft for this piece, I will reread this article by you. THIS is the place I want to write from.
And may I also add that you are a brilliant writer. The crafting of words and imagery you create is pure artistry. Poetry, actually. I appreciate your example but can’t help but also feel intimidated. Your prose, especially in the first few paragraphs, blows me away.
Karin, your words reached me deeply, thank you. I’m honored beyond anything I can properly say to know that this piece offered something grounding for you. The fact that you want to write from this place means more to me than I could ever fully express.
We need more voices like yours, brave, self-reflective, and unafraid to speak from the in-between spaces. I hope you write that piece. And I’ll be among the first to read it when you do.
With heartfelt thanks,
—The Bathrobe Guy
A very timely reminder, 🙏
Mark, thank you. That means the world.
I’m grateful it reached you.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—TbG
Another thought provoking essay, 🙏
I loved that you mentioned the heart of the Buddhas teachings!
Khalil, thank you so much.
That means the world. I try to let the dharma breathe through the work rather than press it into form, and I’m so glad it reached you.
Heart-mind… one candle at a time.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
Thich Nhat Hanh is my favorite author btw
Oh, see, now you are speaking my language. Thich Nhat Hanh is one of mine as well. I have used is insights into mindfulness and meditation much. I do the 10 mindful movements every morning. LOL.
Stay entangled, my friend. 🙏
I’m so glad to hear somebody mention it… it’s very rare :(
I have studied it and it’s almost impossible to find someone who also had…
I have been a Buddhist for over 30 years, Khalil. It is reflected in my work greatly. I am so happy to walk the path with you.
stay entangled, my friend.
—Robes
Can I call you my best friend already? Ahahahaha
I would not wish to tell you how to speak. LOL. I would be honored, Khalil. I even have tea. ☕
I love this sentiment. As Dumbledore says, “words are the most powerful magic” 🪄
Zophia, thank you so much.
That Dumbledore quote has always felt true to me, and I’m honored that these words stirred something enough to call it forth.
Magic doesn’t always wear a wand…
Sometimes it wears a robe and speaks softly.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
😌
This piece gave me one of those "oh, shit! This is the good place." moments 🙏♥️
I bow to you, because 'namaste' sounds clammy. Excellent writing.
James, you beautiful sage of dust and revelation. 🙏
That “oh, shit! This is the good place.” line hit me right in the soul. Thank you. I write from the marrow, not the market, so knowing it resonated like that means more than I can say.
Also, agreed, namaste can sound like a handshake with damp socks. Your bow is seen, returned, and held with deep, amused gratitude.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
Beautiful words! We need to build each other up because that's what others will remember and respond to most, especially these days where many people lead with harsh words.
Thank you, Philip. That really means a lot.
You’re so right, people may not always remember the exact words, but they always remember how we made them feel. Especially now, when the world can be so sharp-edged, choosing softness feels almost like rebellion.
And what a beautiful rebellion it is, to build, not break.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
Love is all we need! To change the world. Compassion and empathy for all sentient beings!
Yes, Rea, exactly that.
It really does start and end with love, doesn’t it? Not the grand, performative kind, but the quiet, consistent kind. Compassion. Presence. A soft word when the world feels too loud.
That’s how we begin to mend things.
Thank you for being part of that shift. 💗
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
I totally agree…saying you ‘hate’ something is just a (childlike) way of avoiding having to name the quality you actually would rather see. Social media invites increasingly lazy responses which don’t do justice to language…explaining ‘why’ you hate it/them should be a requirement!
Love this reflection, and it's truly one we should take to heart- one I've been working on after making a similar mistake recently....
Working to try our best to communicate and listen in a way that makes it safe for others to communicate and listen as well.
It's equally important to be cognizant of the differing advantages and disadvantages that can affect vocabulary and preciseness of the words people use.
Saying something is childlike as a way to devalue anyone's attempt to communicate at a level below perfect is detrimental to encouraging everyone to try.
Assuming that someone is lazy when they don't fulfill an expectation determined by others, while not knowing their education, disabilities, time constraints, etc, shuts down the validity of their attempts to communicate.
Yes, we should try to be more clear, I just think that should not be a goal post set the same for each person. It's up to us to listen, try to do our best, and also trust that people are responding in kind.
If we find that their communication is below what we expect, it would be the most kind to let them know and ask if that's something they can or are willing to try to achieve ^^
Riot, this reflection is so grounded and thoughtful. I felt every layer of it. You're absolutely right: communication isn't just about clarity, it's about capacity, context, and compassion. We’re not all handed the same vocabulary or safe space to speak from, and when we dismiss someone for the shape of their expression, we risk missing the meaning inside it.
Your point about not setting a universal goalpost is powerful. That flexibility, paired with trust, patience, and curiosity, is what makes dialogue transformative instead of transactional.
Thank you for bringing such nuance and heart to this thread. You’re not just echoing the piece, you’re expanding it.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
I feel like curiosity has been waiting patiently for people to hear it's meaning. I'm glad you included it. We can't have compassion, clarity, empathy, context, or communication without the bravery to approach everyone with well intentioned curiosity. Each question we ask gives us opportunity to listen, to learn, to encourage others to do the same. Curiosity let's us leave bias and assumption where they belong... Behind us =P
Learning to lead with curiosity and seek clarity instead is a skill honed over time. Much like the math homework from school days, it takes failure, acceptance, forgiveness, and repetition.
This homework isn't easy.
Thankfully, life seems to always give us retakes =]
Riot, you’ve captured something so quietly profound here, curiosity as both a compass and a companion. I love how you frame it: not just as a tool for learning, but as a brave posture toward the world. One that dissolves bias, softens conflict, and makes space for empathy to rise.
Yes, this kind of curiosity takes practice, patience, and no small amount of humility. But you’re right: life does offer us retakes. And each question we ask, each pause to listen, becomes part of the homework that slowly teaches us how to be more human, together.
Grateful for your voice in this thread. You’re helping carry the theme forward beautifully.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
Thank you so much for this, Esther.
You’ve put it beautifully, “hate” so often masks a deeper need or ache we haven’t yet named. I think of it as a kind of emotional shorthand that spares us the vulnerability of saying, “This hurt me,” or “This scares me,” or “I wish this were different because I still care.”
And yes, language matters. Especially in places like this, where quick reactions are rewarded more than reflective ones. That’s part of what inspired the piece. Not to condemn hate, but to ask: What’s underneath it? And what might happen if we slowed down long enough to name that instead?
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
Couldn't agree more! Speed is the enemy really, slowing down so we can truly reflect is the antidote!
All through the journey of parenting particularly (or as a ripple out of thoughtful living) we taught our boys to be mindful of their words. And so it was with this word (can’t even bring myself to type it and honestly don’t know that I ever have, come to think of it). It is a word, a seed, that sows in its utterance. Too harsh and yet inexpressive really. So yes to exploring the reason behind the veil of such … so often it is simply not representative of the planting beneath but draws attention to the need to dig.
Thank you for bringing it into the light and turning it into something to be considered, and welcoming the ancients in to whisper their wisdom.
Jennifer, your words are like sunlight through stained glass, soft, colored by wisdom, and deeply felt. I love that you brought in the image of parenting and the seeds our words plant. That truly is the heart of it, so often what we say is just the outer husk, and the real story lies buried beneath, waiting for someone to notice and dig gently. I'm honored this piece resonated with that quiet, intentional truth you live by. And yes, may we keep listening for the whispers of the ancients in even the harshest words.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—TbG
I love this article soooo much!! I believe words have power in them!! I believe words can heal, and i also believe they have the power to maim and kill!! This particular qoute is just fire!! 🔥:
"Right Speech is not about being “nice.” It’s about choosing the words that create the conditions for transformation"
You poured out into this peice and it shows!! So well done!!
Tara, thank you! Your enthusiasm is such a gift. I absolutely agree, words are living things. They plant seeds, they wound, they mend, they awaken. That quote you pulled is one I felt right in my gut while writing. It’s not always about kindness that feels soft… sometimes it’s the fierce kind that calls us back to who we truly are. I’m so grateful this piece resonated with you so deeply.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—TbG
Im so grateful to be substack buddies with such a gifted writer 🥰 It is such a pleasure to read such powerful peices!! And have them resonate!! I cannot express in words even if i tried how much Joy that it brings me!! 💓💓💓 I have never encountered such a full pool of various, unique, and amazing talented people in my entire life!! Substack is incredible 🔥🔥🔥
The path to get there is hard, but worth it. Love is always better than hate. Hope to get to a place where I can show more love instead of bitterness! Thanks for entangling us! ✌🏼
Thank you, Caleb. Yes, the path is hard, but that very struggle gives love its weight. It’s not always easy to choose love when bitterness feels justified, but even the smallest step toward it reshapes the field around us. I have no doubt you’re already walking that path with more grace than you give yourself credit for. Grateful to be entangled in that journey with you. ✌🏼
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
Oooh words carry so much weight. And yes, we should be more careful what to say, for the other but also for ourselves...
What a wonderful, interesting and powerful article this is and may people learn from it.
Thank you for this!
Have a lovely Sunday 🌬🦋
Thank you, Simona. Your words carry their own kind of gentleness and grace. Yes, for the other but also for ourselves. That’s such an important reminder. Because our words don’t just land on others, they echo in us, shaping who we become. I’m grateful you felt the heart of this piece and hope, like you, that it plants something thoughtful in those who read it.
Wishing you a soft and beautiful Sunday too. 🌬🦋
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
Thank you 💙🦋
I think a lot of people throw around the word hate without really meaning it, more out of habit than intent. Still, it doesn’t make it harmless. I’ve learned to be more careful with words like hate or dislike. They carry weight.
Absolutely. I think you've captured something really important, how often we say "hate" more out of reflex than intent. But even reflex carries energy, and the weight of our words doesn’t lighten just because we didn’t mean them harshly. That’s what I was trying to get at in this piece: not a scolding, but a gentle reckoning with the language we let slip by. Because as you said, words like hate may start as habit… but they land like harm. Thank you for reflecting so deeply with me here.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
Language holds power; words arise from the heart. When harsh words have not yet left our lips, they have already harmed ourselves first.🙏💛
Nia… yes. Exactly this. 🙏
The wound often begins within before it ever reaches another. Even the harshest words we never say still echo through the chambers of our own heart.
Thank you for naming that so gently.
I always feel a deeper stillness when your words meet mine.
With folded palms, 🙏🕉 Shanti 🕉
Stay entangled, my friend.
—TbG
Thank you for sharing 🙏💛