Why do we cry in secret?

An Entangled Voices Piece

Welcome back to Entangled Voices, a series where I share the words of fellow writers whose work resonates deeply with me.

Today’s piece comes from Tara Deacon, who explores a question many of us know intimately but rarely speak about openly: Why do we cry in secret?

With honesty, vulnerability, and compassion, Tara reflects on the difference between the tears we show the world and the ones we keep hidden. It is a thoughtful reminder that being seen in our pain is not weakness, but part of what makes us human.

I hope her words resonate with you as much as they did with me.

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I’ve been thinking about this for a while because all my life people have called me overly dramatic. I’ve always been the type to cry openly. If I was frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, or at my wit’s end, the tears came and everyone saw them.

But the things that truly hurt me? Those tears were different.

Those were the tears I cried alone.

For a long time, I didn’t even realize there was a difference. I thought crying was crying. Looking back, I can see that the tears people witnessed were usually born from frustration. The tears that came from deep pain, grief, heartbreak, or disappointment were the ones I hid.

I was afraid to be vulnerable.

I thought showing that kind of pain was a weakness that could be exploited, and I couldn’t afford that. I didn’t want anyone to see the cracks. I didn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they had hurt me. So I cried in secret.

It’s taken me a long time to learn that vulnerability isn’t weakness.

Now, at 45, I’ve finally learned how to let people see that kind of pain. Not everyone, and not all the time, but enough to know that being vulnerable is not the same thing as being damaged or being broken.

I think we all cry in secret for different reasons. Some of us hide our tears because we’re protecting ourselves. Some because we’ve been taught not to burden others. Some because we’ve learned that vulnerability can be dangerous.

And guess what?! That is A okay!!

But when you learn to be vulnerable with people who have earned your trust, you’re doing something important. You’re honoring your own humanity. You’re allowing yourself to be seen, heard and felt!

Sometimes the bravest tears we shed are the ones we stop hiding from others!!

All My Love

Tara~Star Still Blooming 💫🪷💫

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